God of War Ragnarök: More Rök, More Tök

Breathtaking visuals. Engaging Characters.  Expert dialogue.  Fluid action.  Linear hallways with tons of junk to pick up.  Monster closets upon monster closets…

In the first of probably many installments of Marc-being-late-to-the-party, I just put the finishing touches on God of War Ragnarök, a game that racked up more awards than I did thumb cramps while playing it.

I was supposed to love this game.  God of War is a series near-and-dear to me.  It’s like every prepubescent power fantasy come to life, where you enter the Saturday afternoon claymation movies of your youth and leave nothing but swathes of bodies and satisfied maidens in your wake.  What’s not to love?

So when I sat down to finally play God of War Ragnarök, I was ready to have my face melted off.  And that eventually did happen… after many hours of slogging through chapters that went very much like this:

1. Watch conversations about what must be done next.  Hot topics include prophecy, fate, and family, lacquered with coat upon coat of teenage angst. (Why don’t you trust me??)
2. Spend currency to gain a couple of stat points that you absolutely won’t feel in the game.
3. Run along a largely linear path, stopping to pick up tiny bits of junk and open a chest or twenty.
4. Get talked at the whole time while Kratos just grunts and broods.
5. Monster closet!
6. More hallways and talk.
7. Monster closet!
8. More hall… no, monster closet!
9. Boss fight
10. Discuss what happened.
11. 𝄇

Thankfully, the dialogue is largely excellent.  The gods and goddesses of this world have depth, character, and lots to say.  And they are extremely American.  Like, oh my gawd, so totally American.  A bit of gravitas is lost when the “mighty” Odin sounds like he might give you a good deal on a used car.  I half expected Thor to throw his flagon of mead at the bar wench and ask for a Coors Light in a koozie instead. 

The game really picks up about halfway through, with some amazing set pieces and visuals.  But by the time you play the same boss with a different color for the umpteenth time, you start to wonder if this life of Nordic war is for you.  I finished the game after about 29 hours, but they could have easily shaved 10 hours off of that, and it would have been a much tighter experience.

Look, I don’t want to sound too negative, this is a great game.  I can’t imagine the amount of work that went into making something like this.  I just wish there was a little less padding, that’s all.

So, four angry Kratos faces out of five.  I can recommend it, but I was kind of glad when it was over.

BONUS: Marc Ranks the God of War Series

With Ragnarök done, I have officially finished all the mainline God of War games, so I thought I’d make the internet’s 5,438th article that ranks the series.  Minor controversy to follow.

#8 – God of War: Chains of Olympus

It’s amazing that they were able to fit a complete GoW experience on the PSP.  (Granted, it is the greatest handheld system of all time though.)  It features the most unforgiving quick-time events I’ve ever played, which is not a compliment.

#7 – God of War: Ghost of Sparta

Bigger and better than the first PSP game, with all the requisite hacking, slashing, and trying to remember where the square button is during quick-times. One of the PSP’s great games.

#6 – God of War: Ascension

Fanboys hate this game, but what I found is yet another excellent God of War experience, with amazing visuals, smooth action, and plenty of things that explode in screaming fireworks of blood.  The formula was getting… er… formulaic at this point, and they did the right thing by giving the series a breather afterwards.

#5 – God of War III

The first bit of controversy!  A lot of people put this at the top of their lists, and don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome.  But it felt like more of the same at the time I played it, and I was kind of through with quick-times and monster closets.

#4 – God of War Ragnarök

My second controversial choice, but if you read the review above, you feel me.

#3 – God of War

The OG game was a revelation when it came out, as there was nothing like it before.  See the third paragraph of this article for the reasons why.

#2 – God of War II

The Aliens to Alien, or the T2 to T.  Bigger, badder, better, more.  A sharp, spiky rollercoaster ride from start to finish.  Loved it.

#1 – God of War (2018)

Now this is how you reboot a franchise!  Take only the choicest cuts of meat from the series, and put it on a smörgåsbord of revamped action, cinematic storytelling, amazing graphics, and new environments with tons of frosty Norse gods to kill.  And Kratos is actually a three dimensional character this time!  Amazing from start to finish.

Overall, this is a series that I would highly recommend to anyone who likes mythological characters, or more accurately, hacking mythological characters to pieces.  As a series, it gets five kegs of toxic masculinity out of five, with a chaser of ponderances on the nature of war.